Tired

I'm tired. It's not the really bad sort of tired. It's not the really good sort of tired. A little bit of a headache. A general fatigue. But I accomplished things today, so I don't feel let down with myself. I'm just at that point where I don't think much more is going to get done.

I often wish my days didn't so often end up this way. Energy is such a limited resource in my life. I could probably improve it with more exercise and a better diet. But those things, paradoxically, take energy to get done. It's hard to spare it when I barely feel I have enough to enjoy the hours of my life that aren't spent at work.

It seems I'm stuck with it, though. I've struggled with it my entire adult life. It feeds my depression, for sure, especially if I get upset about it. So I try not to. I go through my low key evenings, recovering from the day. Sometimes I'll look back over a week and wonder: “Why didn't I do more?” Then a day like today will come along and I'll remember.

Not every day can be joy and excitement. I'm pretty sure those both take more energy than I have.